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Episode 5- How to get proof of life

Feb 16, 2020

 Talk about it before you drop them off

    • Start having those conversations about what life may look like while they are away.
    • They will be in charge of their own schedules and curfew.
    • Be honest with why you need/want communication
    • It’s a transition for you too
    • You worry about their safety
  • What is a frequency of calls for you both that would be comfortable?
    • Your schedule
    • Their schedule
  • Make a video call
    • See if room is a mess
    • do they look sick, depressed
    • are they taking care of themselves
    • gauge depression/anxiety or other potential health concerns that isolation may be a symptom
  • If you are best friend and it continues then they aren’t making friends there.
  • Set agreed upon time-span without hearing from student before you will contact roommate, RA or dean of students.
    • This way you are both on the same page with the elevation of concern
    • Helps to keep student accountable
  • Practice this now
    • Pay attention to your words when discussing this
    • Remove you should/must/need to and replace it with have you thought about.
    • Ask how they are feeling….about classes, scheduling their time, making friends or connections, engagement.
  • Once they are there, here are reasons they will call
    • They are sick
    • An accident happened
    • Need money
    • Need tickets or a car/ride
    • They have a problem like locked out of room
      • ….ask “What are you going to do about it?” 
      • Resist the urge to provide an answer. 
      • Wait for them to ask….and only prompt them to think it thru, have them come up with their own ideas first.
  • Give yourself grace when you don’t wait and congratulate yourself when you do!

This transition is for you as much as them….it takes time.


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