My story of worrying about worst case scenario with Steph after losing Drew and Hannah’s murder.
This is worry that isn’t grounded in fact...it’s in your mind, you see today’s problems as a preview of things to come...you worry that your child will struggle as an adult.
In psychology, this is called futurizing, and it’s one of the most negative and destructive things we can do as parents.
Futurizing is having an unrealistic negative view of what the future holds. It’s a worst case scenario mindset.
Futurizing is what psychologists call a thinking error. A thinking error is a faulty pattern of thinking where what you think doesn’t match reality. Your thoughts are distorted are virtually always negative. In other words, your faulty thinking makes things out to be worse than they really are.
when we make things out to be worse than they really are, we start to cause more problems….make things worse. It makes you anxious and that inhibits your ability to help.
So stop using all your energy worrying about your child’s future. Instead, concentrate on what’s happening with him right now.
Who they are and how they handle things today is not going to be the same in a year or four or ten…..are you?
Is it Noise worry or actionable worry
However worry can be a good thing. Every time a hurricane swells in the Atlantic Ocean and barrels toward the coast, we naturally worry, prompting emergency preparedness and life-saving evacuations. Worry can very much keep us alive.
This is good!
However, when worry is not a signal to action, that’s when we should start to, well, worry. When our worries do not represent a valid concern… when they do not become the first step in the problem-solving process… then those worries are no more than irrelevant, distress-provoking noise that need not be addressed. Noisy worries cannot be solved. Why not? Because no solution exists.
Ask yourself what step/s can I take to resolve this for me. If there is nothing to do then it’s noise.
The process of experiencing worry, stepping back, acknowledging that it is noise, confirming your safety, and pressing on.
Attempting to cease worrying will only bring further anxiety. However, what we can do is to adopt an effective, healthy approach to our worries, which begins with stepping back and differentiating worries as signals from worries as noise.
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